Local Employee Hasn't Taken Out AirPods Since Q4 of 2023, Colleagues Assume He’s Listening to God

“We’re not sure if he’s in a meeting, on a call, or just vibing eternally,” says confused coworker.

April 14, 2025

In a chilling reminder of modern workplace detachment, employees at RyTech Solutions LLC report that longtime project manager Kyle Benson has not removed his AirPods — not even once — since being gifted them for his birthday approximately late October 2023.

“I think he might sleep in them,” said fellow team member and part-time witness to the phenomenon, Janice Tran. “He came to the holiday party wearing them. He was in the group photo. With the AirPods in. I think he smiled, but it was hard to tell — he was nodding to some invisible beat the whole time.”

The company’s HR department, when asked if this behavior violates any existing workplace policies, shrugged and responded, “Honestly, we stopped trying to make rules for people in 2021. We’re just grateful he wears pants.”

Benson, 34, was once described as “approachable, responsive, and open to feedback.” Today, he’s considered more of a “free-floating head nodder” who occasionally mutters things like “looping you in” and “yeah, totally” to nobody in particular.

Coworkers say they have no idea whether he’s actually listening to music, participating in back-to-back Teams meetings, or communicating telepathically with the cloud.

“He wears just one AirPod sometimes, like he’s keeping a portal open to Earth,” said analyst Bryan Park. “But the rest of him is clearly somewhere else. He could be talking to a client. Or a friend. Or the universe. I’m scared to ask.”

Experts say the single-AirPod technique has become a sophisticated form of modern corporate ambiguity — a way of appearing “sort of available” while actually being as emotionally reachable as a brick wall in airplane mode.“It’s the Schrödinger’s Cat of communication,” says John Jones, the Geek Squad employee at Best Buy that sold the AirPods to Benson's wife. “He might be hearing you, or he might be listening to a podcast about Viking masculinity. You’ll never know. That’s the power move.”

Benson reportedly still responds to Teams messages, albeit three to four hours late and almost always with a thumbs-up emoji.

“We tried holding eye contact longer,” said intern Lily Ramírez, “but he just nodded vaguely and said ‘good sync’ and kept walking. It was 9:14 a.m. No one had synced.”

Attempts to speak with Benson directly have proved futile. When approached at the office kitchen, he reportedly removed a single AirPod, stared blankly, then said, “Sorry, what? I was in a thing,” despite having no meetings on his shared calendar.He then reinserted the earbud, pressed play on what coworkers assume was either binaural beats or a TED Talk titled “Why Empathy is Optional in Agile Workflows,” and wandered off.

Sociologists say Benson’s behavior isn’t uncommon. A growing number of professionals now treat their AirPods as permanent facial features — tiny white tusks of isolation, designed to repel spontaneous conversation, soft camaraderie, and general signs of life.

“In 2010, headphones were a break from the world,” John Jones explained. “Now they’re a lifestyle. An identity. A legal defense.”

Back at RyTech Solutions, no one knows for sure when — or if — Benson will ever remove his AirPods. Some speculate it will happen during retirement. Others suspect the devices will need to be surgically removed by a team of audio engineers.

“He’s still technically meeting his KPIs,” said his manager. “But it’s odd when you ask him a question face-to-face and get a Teams message back that says, ‘lmao bet.’”

At press time, Benson was last seen on a treadmill in the office gym, still wearing his AirPods, still nodding.

We think he smiled.

But we can’t be sure.